For most of my life, relationships were very difficult. In all of my relationships, I would find myself repeating the same unhealthy patterns, no matter how many times I changed partners. I spent years blaming my partners for this, until I began to dive deeper into the inner work I was doing and began to take full responsibility for everything in my life.
Then, I realized, that the common denominator in all my relationships was me. No matter who my partner was, it was me who was in all of my relationships, and that must mean that I was responsible for these repeated patterns. This realization felt life changing, but I still had no idea what to do about it.
Can you relate?
The truth is, we spend a lot of time in school learning things like fractions and geography, but no time learning how to be in relationships. No one taught us the skills we need to have healthy relationships. So, most of us are left stumbling around in the dark, trying to figure out how to have relationships that actually feel nourishing, deeply intimate, and healthy.
A few years ago, a friend recommended the book, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment, and I’m forever grateful she did.
After reading, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment, I felt like I had been given a roadmap to having healthy, mature relationships.
Relationships can serve to wake us up to areas in our lives where we are unconscious. They can serve to heal wounds that were created in childhood, during our formative relationships with our parents. And, they can serve to bring more aliveness and creativity into our lives.
But, to have those kind of relationships, we need skills and tools to maneuver through the tough spots. Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment, gives us the tools.
I know I have.
In the past, I let lovers touch me sexually or would even have sex when I didn’t really want to. I thought that was what I needed to do to be a good girlfriend and please my partner. At the time, I had no idea of the effect unwanted touch had on my body.
Until the day my body showed me the effect.
I was lying in bed with a lover who was slowly and softly running his hands over my body. In the past I would have been in my head worrying while he was touching me–worrying about how my body looked, if I should be touching him back, or if this touch would lead to sex.
But now, after spending time doing healing work around sex, I was consciously relaxing my body, and allowing myself to be fully present to his touch.
Suddenly, my body started involuntarily shaking and tears started rolling down my face. I could feel that something in my body wanted to be released, and my mind started flashing back to every time I had let someone touch me when I didn’t want them to.
In that moment, I became very aware that every time I had allowed unwanted touch, my body had created a small layer of energetic protection from touch. And after years of allowing unwanted touch, that layer had grown thick.
I cried and shook while my lover held me, until I felt this layer of protection fully release.
Then I asked him to start touching me again.
Without this invisible layer of protection on my body, I could feel his touch in a way I had never felt touch before. I could feel his touch fully penetrating through my skin, and deep into my body, awakening every cell into vibration.
My whole body felt electrified. It was incredible.
I thought I knew what touch felt like—but until that day, I realized, I had no idea.
In my private practice as a women’s sexuality coach, many of my clients tell me they allow unwanted touch for the same reasons I did.
And, I get it. It can feel hard to be honest about not wanting touch.
And, if your sexual energy is blocked, like mine was for 20 years (I suffered from a condition that caused sex to be painful for 20 years), you may not even want sexual touch.
Many of my clients also tell me they feel numb when someone touches them. And, I get that too. I felt numb to touch for years.
But, trust me, there is an enormity of amazing sensation available to you through touch. More than you ever imagined possible.
If you feel numb to touch, or want to increase the amount and depth of sensation you feel during touch, try these steps the next time you are offered touch:
Be as present as you can, and up your attention to how you are really feeling.
2. Don’t ignore it.
If you feel numb, allow yourself to feel the numbness. Breathe and relax into the numbness and see what happens. If you give your full attention to numbness, it will often shift.
3. Pay attention to the subtle sensations you feel.
Often we experience sensation but don’t have enough presence to notice. Paying attention to subtle sensations will increase them. Subtle sensations can be incredibly pleasurable when you pay attention to them.
Touch can both harm or heal. But, the good news is, (with the exception of violating touch) whether it harms or heals is up to us. It’s up to us to say no to unwanted touch, and it’s up to us to show up fully present and receptive to wanted touch.
May we all have the courage to show up for healing.
Sound familiar? If so, I invite you to join me on my upcoming free tele-class, Roadmap to Pleasure.
I’ll be sharing my 3-step process for experiencing way more pleasure in your life. This is a process I organically discovered in my journey of moving from 20 years of painful sex issues and completely ignoring pleasure, to experiencing deeply pleasurable sex.
I look forward to being with you on the call. If you can’t be on live, I’ll send you the recording.
When I speak with women about sex (which I do a lot), many women tell me some version of the same thing:
“I just don’t care that much about sex.”
“Sex just isn’t important to me.”
“I’m too old to be interested in sex.”
“I’ve never really been that interested in sex.”
I get it! I used to feel the same way too. I thought there were certain women who were just born with a low desire for sex and I happened to be one of them.
Turned out, I was dead wrong.
I was shut down sexually for most of my life and experienced pain during sex for almost 20 years, until I started a somatic sexuality practice called Orgasmic Meditation. The first time I practiced Orgasmic Meditation, it felt like a dam opened up inside me, and sexual energy poured out. In that moment, I realized it wasn’t that I had a low desire for sex, it was just that my sexual energy had been blocked.
Most women block their sexual energy at some level or another, and assume they just have low libido.
But, the truth is, all women are deeply sexual beings.
Want to know how I know that?
Let’s take a look at the facts about your female body—
So, does it make any sense at all that God (or the universe or creation or whatever word you use) would create your body to be wired to experience deep sexual pleasure just to have you end up being “not interested in sex?”
That makes not one lick of sense.
That’s why when women tell me they are “just not that interested in sex”, I smile and tell them “I don’t believe you!”
It’s your birthright as a woman to experience deep pleasure. If it wasn’t, God/dess would not have wired you this way.
You just need support in getting unblocked. And that’s exactly what I’ll be teaching on my upcoming free tele-class, Roadmap to Pleasure.
In this free class you will learn:
My simple, three step process that will allow you to:
- Heal pelvic-pain
- Wake up your libido (it hasn’t died, it’s just blocked)
- Have sex that nourishes your heart, body and soul.
This is a process I organically discovered on my own journey. It’s what moved me from 20 years of low-libido and painful sex issues, to being deeply in touch with my sexual energy and having amazing, pleasurable sex.
I recently published a video entitled, What Does a Sex Coach Do?, where I talked about four common issues that most women need to heal in their sexuality. Click on the image to watch.
I discovered these issues from both my own healing journey and from working with lots of women over the last two years. While all four issues are important, there is one that I believe is the single biggest reason why most of us shut down our sexual energy — because it doesn’t feel safe to be a sexual woman.
Every client I have worked with, and pretty much every woman I have ever talked with about sexuality, has told me some version of it not feeling safe to be a sexual woman, to different degrees.
And, why would it? We live in a world where sexual violence is perpetuated against women on a daily basis. Even if you haven’t experienced it yourself, you’ve still been affected by the violence done to other women, and you’ve probably experienced unwanted sexual attention that felt violating.
Most women tell me they are afraid to be seen as sexual, because they are afraid someone will try to hurt them, take something from them (physically or energetically), or expect something from them if they show up in the world as a sexual woman.
So, from an early age, women have trained themselves to not to show up as sexual, and that leads to a huge block to their sexual energy.
Sound familiar? I know it does to me, because I experienced it myself. But, the good news is there is a way through the fear of being sexual.
Yes, the only way through the fear of being a sexual woman is to go within, get deeply in touch with your sexual energy, and fully own your sexuality as a woman.
Because when you do that—when you wake up all of that sexual energy that has been stuffed down inside you—you realize you have such an abundance of it, no one can take it from you. You have an endless supply to share.
You also realize that the more you are in touch with your sexual energy, the more you are in touch with your feminine power. And, people don’t mess with a woman who is fully in her feminine power.
You realize the very thing you were afraid to be is the very thing that sets you free of fear.
That is the true meaning of sexual freedom. Sexual freedom is not about sleeping with lots of people, or exploring fantasies, or having a three-way (although you can certainly choose to experience any of those). True sexual freedom is a feeling of freedom from within.
May we all be free.
The other day, during a session with a male client (I’m a sex and relationship coach), I ended up dancing around the room hooting, howling and hollering while my client gave me a blow by blow (pun intended) synopsis of his first ever sexual encounter with another man.
I love my job.
And, let me back up.
A few months ago, this man contacted me about coaching after having a dream where he had sex with another man. He had never thought of men sexually before, and the dream woke up a desire in him that he couldn’t shake. Having sex with another man was suddenly all he could think about—and he didn’t like it. It messed with everything he thought he knew about himself, and brought up enormous amounts of sexual shame. He had been intensely shamed for his sexuality by his family while growing up, and the desire he was having for men brought up a fear that someone would shame him again.
We dove into coaching, and over the course of a couple months, I supported him in moving through a lot of the shame, working through the layers of identity that were being confronted, and embracing his new found desire.
Then, the other day, when we sat down for our coaching session I could feel something was off. He looked and felt very guarded and he wouldn’t look me in the eye. I pointed this out to him and asked him what was wrong, but he said he didn’t know what I was talking about and that he was fine.
I told him I didn’t believe him and said we couldn’t move forward unless he was able to tell me honestly what was happening for him.
Then, without being able to look me in the eye, he told me that a couple days after our last session, he met a man he was attracted to and that they had went back to his place and had sex. And, that he loved every minute of it.
I congratulated him, and asked him why he was having such a hard time telling me. We discovered that even though he logically knew I would never shame him, because of the intense shaming during his childhood, a fear of being shamed was still deeply lodged into his psyche.
So, I decided to give his psyche a different experience.
I asked him to recount his encounter for me, blow by blow (sorry, I just can’t help myself), while I gave his psyche that exact opposite reaction it was expecting.
It went like this:
Him: “Well, first, we sat on the couch and started kissing.”
Me: Much to my clients initial surprise, I jumped out of my seat and did a happy dance while shouting: “That is totally amazing!”
Him: “Then we took off each others clothes, and began rubbing our bodies against each other.”
Me: “Yahooooooooooooo!!!!” I shouted.
Him: “Then I started touching his cock.”
Me: “That is the best thing I’ve heard all year, congratulations!” I shouted while continuing to do a happy dance.
Him: “Then I went down on him and then he went down on me.”
Me: I starting howling like a wolf, while doing some disco moves.
There was more, but I’ll leave that to your imagination.
By the end of our session, we were both laughing so hard, tears were rolling down our faces. My client told me he felt like he had just let go of 100 pounds of shame that had been weighing him down his whole life. He came into the session looking like he was about to attend a funeral, and left looking light, happy, and free.
I love my job.
If I could wave a magic wand and free everyone of sexual shame, I would.
When we shame our sexuality, we are shaming the very thing that gives us life, brings us joy, connects us vulnerably to other humans, and touches the deepest parts of ourselves.
Sexual shame is learned and it is totally unnatural.
So, I have an invitation for you, dear reader: The next time you find yourself feeling shame about any of your sexual desires, do a happy dance or find someone to do a happy dance for you.
It will rewire your system away from sexual shame, and into sexual celebration.
It doesn’t necessarily mean you should act on all of your desires (although it might), but shaming your desires does no good for anyone.
And if you don’t have anyone to do a happy dance for you, you could always imagine me dancing around my office, shouting: ”Yahoooooooooo!!!!!!”
Last night I had sex with Russell Brand.
It was the hottest sex I’ve had in quite a while—and I went into a full-body, incredibly blissful, super intense orgasm. It was the most powerful orgasm I have ever experienced.
And it all happened while soundly asleep, dreaming. Yes, as you may have guessed already, my Russell Brand tryst happened in a dream.
I’m a big fan of dreams, and I spent almost three years working with a teacher who uses dream-work as a gateway into both exploring the inner workings of our psyche, and tapping into our full potential.
I’ve learned that dream characters often show up in our dreams to help us viscerally experience our full potential—a potential that is dying to be realized and expressed on the human plane.
So, in this dream, Russell was there to help me tap into my next level of orgasmic potential. If I can experience that level of mind-blowing, blissful orgasm in my dream, I can experience it in my waking life too. The potential has just been asleep inside me, and the dream initiated it’s waking up.
Most of my clients who work with me privately in my sex and relationship coaching practice, work with me me because they are cut off from their sexual energy, and are experiencing low-libido, pelvic-pain, or just want a more in depth connection with their sexual potential. Read about my own journey with pelvic-pain and low-libido here.
Often, when they work with me, they spontaneously start having orgasmic dreams. These dreams are there to show them what is possible and to wake up the orgasmic energy that already lives inside them—they have just cut themselves off from it for various reasons.
In fact, last week, I taught a free tele-class for women on the topic of waking up your libido, and this is what someone wrote me the next day:
I heard Sarah’s talk 7 months after having a total hysterectomy, which forced me into menopause, and I had given up all hope of ever experiencing sexual pleasure again, much less of ever having another orgasm. The night after I heard Sarah talk, I had a dream that was sexually arousing, and when I woke up I had a FULL BODY ORGASM!!! I was astonished, and cried tears of gratitude at this reawakening of my body. After experiencing 2 more orgasms within the next 4 hours, I decided it would be a good idea to talk to Sarah about some coaching. -Sharon Keenan, North Carolina.
I should warn you that it’s possible that after reading this blog post, you will experience an orgasmic dream yourself. If it doesn’t happen spontaneously, and you are interested in knowing your orgasmic potential, there is a process I learned from my teacher that can help you tap into the dream world. I teach this process to all my private clients, but I want to share it here with everyone because I want everyone to know their orgasmic potential!
So, here you go!
Right before falling asleep:
And, if for some reason, you don’t have an orgasmic dream, don’t worry about it. It doesn’t mean you don’t have orgasmic potential, you might just need other ways besides dreams to get in contact with it.
If you do have an orgasmic dream, and you are comfortable sharing it with me, I’d love to hear from you! Anything you share with me would be strictly confidential, unless you gave me permission to share otherwise.
Here’s to orgasm, and Russell Brand!
Want more orgasm? Sign up below, and get immediate access to the recordings of the three tele-classes I taught.
For most of my adult life, I hated sex. I hated sex because every time I had sex, it hurt, and the reason (or so I thought) it hurt was because my body had betrayed me.
Let me back up.
Growing up, no one in my conservative, Catholic, and small-town midwestern family talked to me about sex or the changes that happened to my body during puberty. This awkward silence mixed with a few overt instances of shaming, led me to believe that my body and sex were things to be embarrassed about and ashamed of.
So, when my first boyfriend asked me to have sex at age fifteen, I had no idea what to expect. I wondered if it would be like the sex I had seen on late night HBO shows I used to sneak downstairs to watch after everyone had fallen asleep.
The first time we had sex, it hurt—really bad. I hoped it would get better, but it didn’t. For years to follow, sex continued to hurt, so I began avoiding romantic relationships and became depressed.
I didn’t have anyone in my life I could ask about why it hurt, and since this was the olden days—long before the explosion of the internet—I had no way to find out.
I spent years angry at my body. Why was I like this? Why couldn’t I have sex like everyone else could? What was wrong with me? What man would want me? Why had my body betrayed me?
Eventually, after years of enduring painful sex, I found out that the pain was caused by a condition called Vaginismus (weird name, I know), and that I could fix it by doing kegels.
Hallelujah! There was hope.
I set about doing kegels, but, even after months, it didn’t help. By that time I had little desire for sex, so I didn’t see any reason to keep trying.
So, I decided to officially give up on sex and relationship all together, and I did what I could to convince myself I didn’t need or want either. I found other things to care about, and devoted my life to them—spirituality, creativity, career. Not bad things to dedicate my life to, but deep down something missing.
Then, one day I ran into an old friend who told me about a new meditation practice she had learned. As soon as she said the name of this practice—Orgasmic Meditation—my body lit up. I had no idea what it was, but I knew I needed to learn it.
I started practicing Orgasmic Mediation (OM for short), and the sexual floodgates quickly opened. I felt my desire and sexual essence open inside me and begin flowing. I felt turned-on, alive, and awake.
A week after starting OM, I met a handsome man who I was incredibly attracted to, and was confronted by how badly I wanted to have sex with him. It made me realize that all those years I had convinced myself I didn’t need sex, the truth was I had actually been starving for it.
I kept practicing OM, and started doing the inner-work to heal my relationship with my sexuality. Surprising to me, within six weeks I had healed the Vaginismus, and within two months I was enjoying pain-free pleasurable penetration with my handsome man.
The first time I climaxed while he was inside me, I looked at Mr. Handsome and said: “This is what it means to be a woman.”
As my desire and sexual essence continued to open and deepen, my true desires for my life become clear, and my everything began to quickly shift.
I left a eight year career where I was no longer happy, began performing on stage, and entered into multiple, heart-felt, intimate relationships with men. I also became clear on what my soul’s purpose here on planet earth is—to help bring back the divine feminine—and created a business that reflects that purpose.
And, I realized that, as a woman, desire is a key to a fulfilling life, and sexual essence is a key to feminine power.
We women have been duped to believe that men want sex more than women. Women are naturally built to be deeply sexually potent beings, we have just lost access to it.
It’s now my wish for all women to have access to their desire and sexual essence.
This is the birthright all of women, and a big part of the return of the divine feminine.
I’m now a certified sex and relationship coach who helps other women heal their relationship with their sexuality and wake up their sexual essence. My work is my devotion to the divine feminine, and I see the work I do as deeply revolutionary.
To find out more about working with me, click here.
2014 was one heck of a year for me. But, instead of going on and on about all the myriad of little and big things that happened for me this year, I just want to share one—2014 was the year I met my soul.
Even though I’m a spiritual type lady, I’ve always found the idea of a soul quite nebulous, and at times, down-right annoying. I mean, what the heck is a soul anyway?
I have especially found people who talk about things like “having a soul purpose” or “communicating with your soul” or following your “soul’s guidance” to be just as annoying. I figured they were using the world soul to sound like spiritually evolved, fancy-pants kinda people.
Then, one day in 2014, out of the blue, I woke up from a deep sleep and met my soul.
As I write this blog post, I’m trying to figure out how to best describe what meeting my soul felt like, and I would love to dazzle you with extraordinary sensations, or otherworldly images like angels playing trumpets or a floating Jesus head. But, the truth was, it was quite simple. Meeting my soul felt like meeting my best friend—the kind of best friend that would always be there for you, even when you act like a jerk-face or put your boyfriend before her.
In that moment of meeting my soul, I knew I had never been and would never be alone.
And, in that same moment, I also became one of those: “I have a soul purpose” annoying, fancy-pants kinda people. A crystal clarity came over me, and I knew my soul purpose on this planet. I knew I had come here to be someone that would help bring the true feminine back to a world that is dangerously imbalanced in the masculine.
I knew I was here to wake up the powerful feminine force within myself, and within other women—and I knew I would do that through helping women heal their relationship with their genitals, their pelvis area, and their sexuality. This knowing had me feeling totally lit up from within and like a fire was ignited inside me.
Much as been brewing inside me since the morning I met my soul. I’ve had many spontaneous and deep openings into the feminine. I feel her guiding me and opening up inside me more and more everyday, it feels like a flower blooming inside my very being.
So, I’ll be changing things here on my blog and evolving what ever needs to be evolved as I continue down this path.
I have a lot more to share about all this, but for now, I will just say: “Viva La Vulva! The Revolution Begins Between Your Legs!”
To find out more about the work I do with women, click here.
I met Medusa the other day.
Or, more accurately, I met Medusa who was posing as a timid and nervous woman.
This woman, in a soft and shaky voice, told me a story—a common story that has been repeating itself throughout human history for about the last 5,000 years. A story that I hope we are on the verge of rewriting. A story of a girl who died inside before she could become the potent and powerful woman she was meant to be.
As a little girl, this woman loved to dance, sing, perform, and run wild. She was confident, funny, and full of life.
Then a boy became intimidated by her powerful, wild, crazy, girl-ness and took it upon himself to take her down. He told everyone that she was Medusa and that if they looked at her, they would turn to stone. Word spread around school, and soon no one would talk to her. She was both ridiculed and shunned for years, until she completely shut down.
This wild and confident girl-child would grow up to become a woman who would have panic attacks at the sound of her own name.
When she told me this story she said to me, “I don’t know what he saw in me that made him call me Medusa.”
But I knew.
The Medusa that most of us know through Greek mythology is not the true story of Medusa. Medusa’s origins lie in North Africa where she was known as the crone goddess of the dark moon. Her face was the representation of divine female wisdom, and she was linked to divination, healing, magic and the sexual serpent mysteries associated with death and renewal.
The Greeks twisted her story into one of a young woman who was:
What do women learn from the Greek version of the Medusa story?
Basically, we learn as women that we are victims.
In my last blog post, I wrote about an addiction our culture (myself included) has to victimhood. This addiction is particularly strong in women and I think this is why. Our once powerful images and stories were turned into helpless victim stories—and we’ve been spoon fed these stories since childhood.
I said this in a previous post, but I want to say it again: We women did not create these stories but we have internalized them, and allowed ourselves to fall under their spell.
I desperately want to wake up from this spell, and I want to take all of you other forgotten Medusas with me.
I wish there was a magic wand I could wave to break this spell. But, the only way I know how to wake up is to vigilantly dismantle this internalized story, make friends with my inner Medusa, and surround myself with other women willing to do the same and men who desire potent women.
The waking up out of a victim spell requires us to stop being a victim to the spell itself, and use our own volition to dismantle it.
The whole world is suffering from the absence of powerful and potent women.
May we all remember the forgotten Medusa, and may all little girls grow up to be the powerful and potent women they were meant to be.